Why Your Brain's "Pros and Cons" List Is Sabotaging You
Chandra Eden, The True Me Yogi
The Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent
Author: Esther and Jerry Hicks
"Most people have been trained to be objective - meaning that they look at the pluses and minuses, the pros and the cons - but in considering both sides of things, they also activate the contradictory vibations, which cause a hindering resistance to the allowing of what they desire. When you say, 'I want this thing to happen, but it hasn't happened yet,' you are not only activating the vibration of your desire, you are also activating a vibration of the absence of your desire - so nothing changes for you. And often, even when you do not speak the second part of the sentence and you only say, 'I want this to happen,' there is an unspoken vibration within you that continues to hold you in a state of not allowing your desire.
But when you say, 'Wouldn't it be nice if this desire would come to me?' you achieve a different sort of expectation that is much less resistant in nature. The vibrational relativity between your desire and your belief is now much more in alignment."
Why Your Brain's "Pros and Cons" List Is Sabotaging You
You’ve been taught to be objective. From school debates to big life decisions, you’ve been trained to whip out a metaphorical legal pad and draw a line down the middle: Pros on one side, Cons on the other. It sounds logical, responsible, and mature. You weigh both sides, make a rational choice, and move forward.
There’s just one problem. When it comes to the things you truly desire, this "objective" approach is often a finely crafted instrument of self-sabotage. Every time you say, "I want that promotion,butthe competition is fierce," or "I want to be in a relationship,butI always get hurt," you’re not just being realistic. You are actively canceling out your own desire.
It’s like trying to drive a car with one foot on the gas and the other on the brake. You’re sending two completely contradictory signals. You’re telling the universe, "I want this!" and in the same breath, you’re screaming, "Here are all the reasons it won't happen!" The result? You stay exactly where you are, wondering why nothing ever changes. There's a better way, and it starts with a simple, almost playful shift in your language: "Wouldn't it be nice if...?"
The Vibration of "But"
Let's get a little weird for a second and talk about vibrations. Whether you see it as energy, mindset, or just the focus of your attention, the principle is the same: what you focus on expands. When you say, "I want this," you activate the energy of your desire. It's a clear, powerful signal.
The moment you add "but," you introduce a competing signal. That "but" is heavy. It’s loaded with all your past failures, your fears, and your doubts. It’s the vibration of absence, ofnot havingthe thing you want. Even if you don't say the "but" out loud, it's often there, humming silently in the background, undermining your every effort.
This internal conflict is the root of so much frustration. It’s why you can visualize success until you’re blue in the face, but still feel stuck. Your conscious mind is saying "yes," but your subconscious, conditioned by years of "being realistic," is screaming "no."
The "Pros and Cons" List of Your Love Life
This pattern shows up everywhere, especially in our most vulnerable pursuits.
The Overanalyzed Crush:You meet someone amazing. You’re excited. For a glorious 24 hours, you’re floating on a cloud of possibility. Then, the "realist" in your brain hijacks the operation. You start the list: "He's great,buthe just got out of a relationship." "She's perfect,butshe lives 45 minutes away." "I really like them,butI'm probably not their type." You've just built a fortress of "buts" around your desire, making it impossible for it to get through.
The Job Promotion Paradox:The perfect role opens up at your company. It's everything you've wanted. You update your resume. You tell yourself, "I am going for this." Then the inner monologue starts: "I'm qualified,butso is Sarah from accounting." "I'd be a great fit,butI bombed my last big presentation." "I really want this job,butI've been passed over before." You walk into the interview not with the pure energy of desire, but with a jumbled mess of hope and pre-emptive disappointment.
In both cases, you've convinced yourself you're just being pragmatic. In reality, you're making a powerful case against your own success before you've even given it a fair shot.
The Gentle Power of "Wouldn't It Be Nice If...?"
So, how do you break this cycle? You trick your own resistant brain with a softer, more playful approach. Enter the magical phrase: "Wouldn't it be nice if...?"
This question is a game-changer. It’s gentle, it’s low-stakes, and it’s almost impossible for your cynical inner lawyer to object to. You're not making a bold, definitive statement that can be shot down. You’re just musing. You’re daydreaming. You’re exploring a possibility without the pressure of demanding it has to happenright now.
Instead of:"I want to get this promotion." (Which your brain follows with: "...but it's a long shot.")
Try:"Wouldn't it be nice if I got that promotion? I can see myself in that office."
Instead of:"I want to find a partner." (Followed by: "...but dating is a nightmare.")
Try:"Wouldn't it be nice if I met someone wonderful soon? That would be fun."
See the difference? The first statement is a declaration of war against your own doubts. The second is an invitation. It bypasses the analytical mind and speaks directly to the part of you that knows how to dream. It aligns the vibration of your desire with a feeling of pleasant expectation, not desperate need or crippling doubt.
How to Start a "Wouldn't It Be Nice?" Practice
Shifting your internal language is a practice, not a one-time fix. Here’s how to start rewiring your brain for less resistance and more alignment.
1. Catch the "But"
For the next week, become a detective of your own thoughts and words. Pay attention to how many times you follow a statement of desire with "but." Notice when you start making a mental pros-and-cons list for something you deeply want. Don't judge it; just observe. Awareness is the first step. You can't change a pattern you don't see.
2. Rephrase with Playful Possibility
When you catch yourself in a "desire, but..." loop, consciously rephrase it. Turn your demand into a gentle question.
"I need to make more money, but the economy is terrible." becomes "Wouldn't it be nice if a new opportunity for abundance showed up for me?"
"I want to feel healthier, but I have no time to work out." becomes "Wouldn't it be nice if I found a way to move my body that felt joyful and easy?"
This isn’t about being delusional. It’s about shifting your focus from the obstacle to the possibility. It opens up your creative mind to find solutions you couldn't see when you were fixated on the problem.
3. Feel the "Nice"
The most important part of this practice is the feeling. When you ask, "Wouldn't it be nice if...?" don't just say the words. Take a moment to actually feel how nice it would be. Feel the satisfaction of sitting in that new office. Feel the warmth of holding hands with a new partner. Feel the energy of a healthier body.
This emotional component is what makes the practice so powerful. It aligns your thoughts, words, and feelings into one coherent, non-resistant signal. You are no longer fighting yourself. You are simply enjoying the thought of a pleasant future, which makes you a vibrational match for it.
Ditch the Debate and Start Daydreaming
Your logical brain is a fantastic tool for many things, like assembling IKEA furniture or calculating a tip. But when it comes to manifesting your deepest desires, it can be your worst enemy. It’s time to give the inner critic a break and let the inner dreamer take the wheel for a while.
Stop making exhaustive cases for and against your own happiness. Trade the pressure of "I want" and the resistance of "but" for the gentle, expansive power of "Wouldn't it be nice if...?" You might be surprised at how quickly nice things start showing up when you finally get out of your own way.